When Your Sports Kid Gets Frustrated
Kids who play certain positions-say a goalkeeper in lacrosse-have to focus so intensely that a mistake can prompt a big emotional response-anger, regret, and the tendency for players to criticize themselves.
And that can really hurt players and their team. That’s the word from Daniel St.Andre, a boy’s lacrosse coach, resident of the Town and Country Lacrosse Association, and a Kids Sports Network trainer.
“Goal keepers are very intensely focused on that one thing. There’s a lot going on from a goal keeper’s perspective,” he says. “When you stop a shot, there’s an intense emotional high because you’ve succeeded. When you don’t stop the shots, there can be a tremendous letdown as you unwind from that focus and prepare for whatever is going to happen next. It’s a real roller-coaster ride.” This is true of players in many sports, he says.
Often, players’ anger, regret and emotional turmoil that can result from making a mistake can give opponents just what they need to win the game, he says.
For example, in lacrosse, if an opponent scores, goalkeepers may get mad at themselves “and start to wallow in the fact they allowed the team to score,” he says. “This takes focus and enjoyment out of the game.”
Sports parents and coaches need to work hard to help these kids stay focused, says St.Andre.
Begin by recognizing that a player is experiencing an emotional roller coaster ride, he says.
“Help your player understand that not only are these emotions normal, but that energy is available for both good purposes and bad purposes,” he says.
Encourage kids to funnel their emotions and energy into positive thoughts and actions, he says. One example is moving on after making mistakes, rather than focusing on them.
Parents should also be supportive and encouraging. And they need to help kids focus on the small wins, he says.
“Ask them if they were successful more often than not. Did they pay attention to what they were supposed to pay attention to? These victories are important for young athletes,” he says.
St.Andre has lots of other tips and ideas about kids with intense focus. Exclusive members of Kids’ Sports Psychology can hear them by listening to this audio:
Full Interview with Daniel – Exclusive Members Only
Exclusive members also have access to eBooks, videos, additional audio interviews-and lots more-all intended to help parents ensure kids make the most of their sports experience.
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Help your sports kids enjoy sports and build confidence!
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P.S. St.Andre is very passionate about youth sports. Exclusive members of Kids’ Sports Psychology should be sure to check out his interview:
Related Articles on Kids’ Mental Game:
- Helping Kids Have High Intensity to Perform Well
- Sports Parents’ Anger and Frustration Hurts Kids
- High Expectations and Anger in Youth Sports
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