Should Parents Try to Reason with Bully Coaches?

Handling Bullying in Youth Sports

Should parents try to reason with bully coaches?

Should they try to talk to athletes who bully their kids in sports?

Should they move their kids to different schools as a result of bullying in sports?

These are just some of the many questions we get about bullying in youth sports.

In fact, it’s the top issue parents write us about. To help all these parents and their kids, we’ve enlisted the aid of some bully experts who will help respond to these difficult questions.

One mom recently wrote that her older son, a junior in high school, has been coached basketball by a bully for two years—a man who has drawn double-digit technical fouls for arguing with officials.

She doesn’t want her younger son playing for this coach when he enters high school.

Should she switch schools, even though her son likes the track coach at the school his older brother attends?

“Am I wrong to look at another school where my younger son will be able to play (basketball) and enjoy the sport?” she asks.

One of our new bullying experts, Carl Pickhardt, Ph.D., a psychologist and lecturer who is in private counseling, responded to this question. He is the author of “Why Good Kids Act Cruel,” a book about bullying.

“I believe the answer is in your question: neither you or your son want to play for this coach. What to do?”

“Help your son understand this rule of life: choosing is always losing because the door to other options are closed by whatever decision you make,” says Pickhardt.

He adds, “If basketball is the favorite sport, and the loss of track coaches is a price he is willing to pay, then transfer to the other school, but not before also assessing what may academically and socially be lost, and not before getting a line on how coaching is conducted there.”

We’d like to add that if kids decide to stay with a team when they’re being bullied by coaches or other athletes, they can use our confidence-building tips to hang in there and thrive.

For example, rather than dwelling on what others say about them, young athletes need to focus on their own strengths.

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Related Articles on Youth Sports:

• College Sports and Bully Coaches: Rutgers’ Rice Fired
• Protecting Athletes From Bully Coaches
• How to Deal With Difficult/Bully Coaches [Podcast]

*Subscribe to The Sports Psychology Podcast on iTunes
*Subscribe to The Sports Psychology Podcast on Spotify

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