Often, we hear from sports parents who say that their young athletes seem to stop trying after they make a mistake or two during a game or performance. Suddenly, they seem worried, tense and are playing or performing in a tight manner. Many sports parents are perplexed by their kids’ behavior in games.
Does this sound familiar in your situation?
These kids are often very comfortable in practice, but freeze up during competition. They don’t seem to be able to trust in the skills that they learned during practice. Something seems to hold them back from performing like they do in practice.
Often, these sports kids possess a number of positive traits that help them excel in sports.They work hard, attend practices regularly and expect a lot of themselves
Unfortunately, however, their perfectionism can undermine their confidence and cause a lot of heartache when they under-perform.
Worst of all, they try too hard to avoid making mistakes. They scold themselves for goofing up. They become frustrated quickly.
******************************************************************************
If you’re a parent or coach with kids who are perfectionists in sports,
what’s the most important question you have for us about perfectionism?
******************************************************************************
Please post your questions here about perfectionism and young athletes! We’ll give you some sure-fire tips for helping your perfectionist young athletes learn how to make the most of their potential!
Thanks!
Sincerely,
Patrick Cohn, Ph.D., Mental Training Expert
& Lisa Cohn, Youth Sports Parenting Author
©2022 The Ultimate Sports Parent by Peak Performance Sports
https://www.youthsportspsychology.com
https://www.peaksports.com
My son is 13, he has lots of athletic ability. He was told at a young age that he is too competitive. During a sport if he screws up he is immediately down on himself. His body language shows he’s upset and it just begins a downward spiral. He stops trying, gives less effort. Not only is it embarrassing for him but to us as well. He once got kicked out of the dugout because he was in such a negative mood that he starts making little comments under his breath and when the coach heard the word quit he told him to leave. We’ve done therapy and copy skills and positive talk before events but nothing seems to help.
Tanking or giving up is a way to protect himself when losing. It’s okay if he didn’t do well if he doesn’t try.
Hello, my 13 yr old son plays competitive soccer. What I am noticing is that he seems to get what I call in his head when he makes a mistake during practice. He mentioned to me last night that he feels he isn’t getting better no matter how much he practices. He cries and is very tense when these episodes happen. What can I do?
Most likely, he’s frustrated with mistakes and then loses focus. You should work on helping him manage his expectations about being perfect or not making mistakes.
Our 9 year old son loves playing flag football and feels very confident on offense. Recently his coach decided to also play him on defense. Yesterday in the playoffs he fell had a minor scratch and came off the field hysterical and holding his arms so tightly I thought he could have broken a bone. I knew he was frustrated and said do you feel like you are letting down the team and he said yes, I don’t want to play defense. I told him he wasn’t letting down the team on defense but giving up would absolutely leave the team in a bad spot and if all the kids did that the team wouldn’t be successful. He cried really hard, pulled himself together and went back out and played fine. We’ve seen this avoidant behavior when he was younger and had thought he outgrew it. Is there any way to get these worries and adrenaline out before the game instead of the sidelines in front of all his friends and their parents?