New Coaches in Youth Sports
A dad recently wrote us with a heart-breaking story about how his 13-year-old soccer player was once “brilliant,” but had his confidence busted by a new coach….
The parents are willing to move to another town just to find a team that would help boost their son’s confidence and success.
But we have some tips to help this boy get back on track without moving to another town. Read on to learn what this family can do!
“Initially, when he began soccer aged 6, he was a brilliant little player. But when he turned 10, a new soccer coach (new team) somehow drained his confidence. From a top little player, my son was somehow reduced to a second rate player and eventually shoved onto the bench,” says the dad.
Three years later, the boy has a reputation for being a poor player and has lost confidence. He’s the smallest player on his new team, and he gets benched for 80% of a game–or more.
“The last thing we want him to do is give up the one passion he loves,” says the dad.
When a child is losing confidence because he’s getting benched, there’s lots you as parents can do.
First of all, it’s a good idea to talk to the coach. Make sure you do this when the coach is available—not in the middle of a game, or after a game, or in front of the other players.
It’s best to ask the coach when he or she is available to talk. Then, when you do sit down to talk, ask the coach what skills your child needs to improve in order to get more playing time. You can also explain how your kid’s confidence is suffering.
You want to ensure your child works on the skills identified by the coach. You might even consider getting some additional training, if possible. It should be clear to the coach that your child is working hard to improve his or her skills.
But that’s not all. Spending more time on the bench should not dictate your child’s confidence. You want to kids to believe in their physical skills no matter how much playing time they receive. Besides, you want them to feel confident when they do get the chance to perform.
You can also help your child uncover what beliefs and thoughts are undermining his or her confidence. Is he or she a perfectionist? Are expectations too high? Is his or her self-talk negative? Does your child assume he or she “stinks” because of less playing time?
We’ve got many other confidence-boosting tips and strategies in our new program, “The Confident Sports Kid: A 7-Day Plan for Ultimate Self-Confidence.” This program will put kids back on track with their confidence–and help kids stay on track to begin with!
You can check it out here:
Related Articles on Kids’ Mental Game:
- Tips for Playing Under Pressure
- How Playing Sports Can Help Kids Transition to Reopening
- When Sports Kids Don’t Get Enough Playing Time
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This article concerns me because the author is talking about a parent who is concerned about a player’s playing time at age 6, 10 and 13. If this were a competitive travel team, players at age 10 and 13 should be getting regular playing time, even if they aren’t starting. If not, find a new team. If the concern is a reputation that will follow into high school, the issue should be preparing the player for an opportunity, not necessarily a starting job as a freshman. That comes with hard work, not an expectation that something is owed the player.
The key is to make sure the player has the want-to to play at a competitive level at age 14, 15 and 16-plus. At this age, the player should make that decision, not the parent. If the plan is, yes, he or she wants to continue, then they have to work hard to always be ready for their chance. And when they get it, make the most of it. Injuries, schedules, physical growth and performance in practice bring about opportunities for those on the bench.
I’ve seen it happen many times at the high school level and on travel teams in baseball and hockey. I’ve also seen players who worked hard in high school but didn’t play often also get a chance in college.
It is all determined by the player’s own will to succeed.
I have been reading a lot of post about how to get more playing time and all of them say to talk with the coach. Well my son and I did just that. My son just turned 12 and is playing club soccer playing up 1 year as well. He was a starter (center def. then sweeper for year 4) for the first 4 years. During a parent meeting with the coach he said that if we as parents or the players have a concern we should email him or talk with. My son was getting very frustrated with playing the sweeper position because he rarely had to do anything because the defense was good. I noticed that he was losing his soccer skills due to just standing there. Yes he was on the field for whole games but didn’t really play. Before we spoke with the coach my son had asked him several times if he could train someone else to play the sweeper position so that he could go back to defense or maybe move to midfield. The coach kept saying to him that he needed him back there because he’s fast and can read the game well. The coach even promised him that he would be captain soon if he stayed at defense. That never happened nor did the coach allow him to play other positions like he also promised him. Finally we emailed the coach with my son’s concerns like the coach said we could and my son’s reward for speaking up was that the coach has now made him a bench player. For the last year my son has either played a token 5-10 minutes per half if he was lucky or sat out entire games.
He is now afraid for us or anyone else to talk to the coach about playing time for fear of losing the 5-10 minutes he does get. He is still a very skilled player and fast. How can I help my son with out the coach benching him for all the games or possibly kicking him off the team?
Frustrated mom – Kathleen