Perfectionists and Performing in The Moment
Perfectionism is a double-edged sword for young athletes. Perfectionists work really hard, but have trouble performing “in the moment” and going for it. When they make mistakes, they often dwell on them, which hurts their confidence.
Here’s a classic example that recently came from a sports parent:
“My daughter has always excelled at everything she has tried and she is an “A” student as well. The issue we have is that sometimes she will over-think certain situations to the point it will almost paralyze her…What can I do as a parent to keep her in the moment and reacting to a given situation, not thinking herself into a hole?”
The truth is, students who always get As and who “excel at everything” don’t like to making mistakes! When they do make mistakes, they freeze up and over-think. And yes, that can put them into a hole.
What’s more, they often don’t have enough fun playing sports as they never can perform up to their high expectations. Making sure your athletes have fun is key to ensuring they play intuitively and stay in the moment.
How can you help your well-meaning perfectionists have more fun and stay in the moment?
- First of all, be sure to praise them for working so hard in practice.
- Next, help them identify high expectations. Perfectionists often expect a lot of themselves, and get upset if they don’t meet these expectations.
- In addition, help them give themselves a break if they make mistakes. Encourage them to move onto the next play, rather than being paralyzed by mistakes. Remind them over and over that it’s human to make mistakes and if you don’t make them, you don’t learn!
The Positive Coaching Alliance suggests that parents and coaches give kids a “flushing” motion after mistakes to remind them to forget them and just move forward.
What’s more, suggest that kids identify small, reasonable “mini goals” and focus on achieving them to help them stay in the moment.
During games, you want your kids to feel loose and willing to take risks. You want them to rely on their intuition, to stay in the moment—not dwell on mistakes—and just “go for it.”
Related Articles on Youth Sports:
- Helping Young Athletes Kick Perfectionism and Fear of Failure
- Helping Kids See the Good and Bad of Perfectionism in Sports
- How To Free Sports Kids From The Bonds of Perfectionism
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