Sports Parents: Dealing With Bullied Kids
A fuming sports mom recently asked us what to do to help her daughter, a talented athlete who was passed up for a slot on the Varsity Team and is now being bullied by the girls who made the team.
“I have noticed my daughter’s confidence slip – both on and off the field. The Varsity players treat the others like rubbish, including a freshman who has no right to be on Varsity in the first place.”
“And I’ve heard that the junior players on Varsity have made cruel remarks to my daughter, which I believe is making her pull back from the game even further,” the sports mom writes.
This sports mom has already talked to the coach, and wonders if she should approach friends on the school board.
Indeed, this is a frustrating and difficult situation.
Rather than fuming and attacking, parents should first have a civil conversation with the coach.
This parent tried that, and it didn’t work. Parents can also try to talk to a league administrator, or, if they believe their child’s confidence is suffering, find another team.
However, if your child’s team is the only game in town—as is true of this family—you need to teach your athletes some mental game strategies that will help boost their confidence in the face of adversity.
First off, you as parents need to stop comparing your kids to others. This causes your sports kids to make comparisons, which is a mental game no-no.
When kids make comparisons, they often psych themselves out. Instead, they need to focus on their own strengths and block out all thoughts of other players.
If they need a little help identifying their own strengths, they should make a list of these. This involves identifying all that’s great about what they do and have done in sports.
When kids can focus on their past accomplishments, past success, and the compliments they receive from others, they are more likely to feel confident.
What’s more, your athletes need to focus on playing in the moment. They shouldn’t think about the score or the win or their stats.
If your child is a basketball player, she should think about what she needs to do right now to play her position well. She can also set small goals like playing good defense or nabbing five rebounds.
You don’t want doubt to creep into your kids’ minds. That’s a confidence killer. Help them identify doubtful thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts.
Here at Kids’ Sports Psychology, we’ve got loads of resources to help your kids boost their confidence in the face of adversity.
They include:
- Growing From Adversity: How to Stay Confident After Failure, an e-book for young athletes.
- Helping Young Athletes Stay Confident and Mentally Tough in the Face of Bullies, an e-book and workbook program.
- Appreciate Your Talents: How to Avoid Making Comparisons, an e-book for young athletes.
- And much more, including audio interviews, videos, articles and worksheets.
Related Articles on Youth Sports:
- Playing Through Adversity
- How This Olympian Overcame Adversity After Almost Losing Both Legs
- Help Sports Kids Grow From Adversity
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Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!
Every day, we receive letters from parents like you who want their children and teens to excel in sports. However, these parents can see fear, doubt, and frustration on the faces of their kids who struggle with the “inner” game of sports. But these parents have no idea how to help their kids overcome the worries, expectations and self-defeating thoughts that prevent their young athletes from feeling confident and successful.
You can benefit from our 15-plus years’ of work in sports psychology and sports parenting research. Now, you can tap into our secrets to sports success through a cutting-edge, 14-day program that helps young athletes overcome the top “mental game” challenges that sports parents face—and the top challenges young athletes face.