How Perfectionism Can Lead to Fear of Failure
A sports parent writes:
“My child is a 9-year old figure skater. She is very passionate with her sport but sometimes she tend to get very frustrated when she performs poorly in her program. Also, when she is performing well, her coach is very perfectionist and they will tell her tiny mistakes that would have made the program or element perfectly executed. She gets discouraged when she hears the corrections. How do I keep her focused and have more self-confidence?”
It sounds like your daughter is a perfectionist, and even worse, she’s being pushed by her coaches to be a perfectionist.
It’s important to understand that perfectionism in sports is both a gift and a curse.
It’s a gift because perfectionists work hard and practice hard to improve. It’s a curse because with perfectionism comes fear of failure.
Fear of failure will cause sports kids to try too hard, and they end up getting in their own way. They become frustrated when their high expectations are not met, and hurts their performance.
Their self-confidence is undermined when these high expectations are repeatedly not met, and their performance suffers.
This fear of failure will cause your children to worry so much about making mistakes and failing that it will CAUSE them to make mistakes and fail.
When perfectionists do not live up to their expectations, they feel like they are letting down not just themselves, but everyone around them. They feel that making mistakes is unacceptable so they over-compensate.
When trying to over-compensate by trying harder to be perfect, they end up playing worse instead.
If your kids are perfectionists, you should support their work ethics while taking a look at their expectations, along with them. They should avoid any expectations that focus on results only, such as points scored or wins and losses.
In fact, any goal that causes your children to become upset or lose confidence should be avoided. Leave statistics to the statisticians.
While they may be good for reflection and analysis, they are not helpful for goal-setting in youth sports.
Instead, concentrate on process goals, which are goals involving the process of the sport. For example, instead of focusing on getting three steals a game, an outcome oriented goal, set a goal of staying between their opponent and the basket.
This way, their goal is an in-game action instead of a result-oriented and potentially harmful goal.
Related Articles on Youth Sports:
- Helping Young Athletes Kick Perfectionism and Fear of Failure
- How To Free Sports Kids From The Bonds of Perfectionism
- How To Overcome Perfectionism In Sports
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The Composed Sports Kid
“The Composed Sports Kid” audio and workbook digital download program for young athletes and their parents or coach helps kids cope with frustration and anger in sports. Help your sports kids learn how to manage expectations and let go of mistakes so they can keep their head in the game.
The Composed Sports Kid system is really two programs in one–one program to train parents and coaches how to help their kids practice composure, and one program that teaches young athletes–ages 6 to 13–how to improve composure, let go of mistakes quickly, have more self-acceptance, and thus enjoy sports more!